The 'In' Crowd and Social Cruelty

Among Kids, Competition to Belong Is Fierce

The bully of my middle school in Wilmette, Ill., scared me so much, I dreamed about him. I'd walk blocks out of the way to avoid him. I'm now 55, yet the fear is still fresh.

And I wasn't even a prime target. I was just an average geek, not one of the "bottom 20 percent" - the kids who really worry psychologist Michael Thompson.

Thompson, author of Best Friends, Worst Enemies, says almost every school has an "in" crowd, popular kids who decide what's "cool." The "cool" kids are followed in Thompson's social hierarchy by the roughly 60 percent of kids who are "in the middle." Then there are the "victims," the roughly 20 percent of kids who lack the social skills to make many friends. They are often not only excluded, but picked on or severely bullied.

小团伙和社会暴力

在孩子中，加入团伙竞争激烈

    我在伊利诺斯州Wilmette中学就读时，学生中的恶霸就令我胆战心惊，我做梦都怕他，为了躲避他，我宁愿多走几个街区。现在，我已经55岁了，但那时的恐惧仍记忆犹新。

  那时，我甚至还不是主要的靶子，只是一位中间分子，不属于"20％的底层"，这些孩子真正使心理学家Michael Thompson感到担忧。

   Thompson是"最好的朋友，最坏的敌人"一书的作者，他说，几乎每一个学校都有一个团伙，由风头十足的孩子决定什么是"酷"。

    在Thompson的社会阶层分析中，"处在中间"的孩子大约占60％，他们追随那些些很"酷"的小霸王。然而还有大约20％的孩子是"牺牲者"，他们缺乏交结许多朋友的社会技能。他们不仅常常被排斥，而且被戏弄，甚至被狠狠地欺侮。

"There's a ferocious competition at the top," said Thompson. "It's particularly rugged in middle school because the need to be part of a group is so human. It's so primate."

What makes someone popular? For middle school girls, Thompson said, the top three criteria are looks, clothes and charisma. For boys, he said it's athletic ability, stature and humor.

"Everybody knows who's cool and who's not," said a sixth-grade girl in Engelwood, N.J. "It's obvious."

Cruelty Adults Rarely See

ABCNEWS obtained copies of Canadian research tapes that followed bullies in school playgrounds - cruelty that adults rarely see. It's horrifying to watch. The tapes show other kids passively watching as bullies kick and punch victims. Worse, sometimes the other kids all "pile on," joining in with the bully.

    Thompson说："在顶端常常有激烈的竞争，这在中学里尤其残酷，因为学生要成为团伙一员的需要是如此本能，就像灵长类一样。"

     什么使某人受到拥戴？Thompson说，女中学生的前三个标准是外貌、服饰和魅力。男孩则是运动能力、身高和幽默。

   新泽西州Engelwood的一位6年级女孩说："人人都知道谁酷，谁不酷，这是一目了然的"。

成人很少看到的残酷

      美国广播公司新闻频道拿到一些在加拿大追踪校园恶霸在操场行为的录相带副本，成人很难看到这种残酷场面，真是令人发指。从录相带中可以看到，当恶霸在对受害者拳打脚踢时，其他孩子只是漠然地观看。更糟的是，有时，这些孩子也一窝蜂"动手"，向恶霸邀功讨好。

"To identify with the victim makes you feel weak," explained Thompson. "To identify with the aggressor makes you feel strong."

The footage also shows that kids are often so desperate to be part of a group, they'd rather be punched and kicked than be alone.

"No attention is worse than this type of attention," said psychology professor Wendy Craig. "If he wants to belong, he has to take it."

Former bullies and former victims agreed to talk about their experiences. One 16-year-old explained that he became a bully because he wanted to stand out.

"I wasn't very popular," said Michael from East Lyme, Conn. "I figured, push people around, get people to see what I'm doing, that'll get my name out there, that'll get people to notice me."

While girls are less likely to bully physically, they do it, too.

    Thompson说："站在受害者一边，使你觉得软弱，与恶人混成一团，却使你感到强壮。"

     从录相带中还可以看到，孩子们是如此绝望地要挤入一个小团伙，他们宁愿被拳打脚踢，也不愿孤独。

    心理学教授Wendy Craig说："没有比这种要求更糟的要求了，如果他想搭帮入伙，他就必须承受折磨。"

    一些曾经是校园恶霸和受害者愿意谈谈自己的感受。一位16岁的小伙子解释说，他当时成为一个恶霸，是因为他想出人头地。

    来自康涅狄格州East Lyme的Michael说："起初，我并不突出，于是我便想了：把同学推倒在地，让大家看看我都干了些什么，就能使我大名远扬，这样人们开始注意我了。"

    虽然女孩较少可能靠暴力成为恶霸，但她们也这样干。

"It was fun for me to see people cry," said Jenny, a 17-year-old from New York City. "I used to continue doing it for the simple fact because they used to cry."

Another bully said he was fully aware he was making life miserable for some of his classmates, and he still looks back on those days with apparent pride.

"I made someone bulimic because I was very continuous about that they were fat and stuff," he said proudly.

Helping These Kids

Some kids are permanently damaged by such bullying. They are at greater risk of depression, and of sacrificing their education - because you can't learn when you're afraid.

For the kids who are constantly picked on, said Craig, "recess is the most terrifying moment of their day."

    来自纽约市17岁的Jenny说："我就喜欢看到别人哭叫，我经常干一些使同学害怕的事，引起她们哭喊。"

     另一个先前的恶霸说，他完全知道自己使同学的生活变得多么悲惨，但如今，他回顾起这些作威作福的日子时，依然掩饰不住自得。

    他骄傲地说："我强迫一些同学多吃多喝，这样我就可以不停地骂他们是胖子和废物。"

帮助这些孩子

   有些孩子不断受到这种恶行的伤害，他们极易产生抑郁，甚至牺牲他们的学业，因为充满恐惧的学生是不能正常学习的。

　

   Craig说："对那些不停被戏弄的孩子，下课后是他们一天最可怕的时刻。"

What can be done to help them? Parents and teachers must intervene, said Thompson. "Sometimes adults rationalize bullying as 'Well, that's kids,' when in fact, it's traumatic," said Thompson. "Those kids need to be protected."

In the Canadian study, teachers told researchers that they intervened to stop bullying all the time, but the tapes showed that they actually stepped in less than 5 percent of the time.

Some schools are actively trying to reduce bullying and social cruelty.

Jeff Parker, who runs an anti-bullying program, said good programs don't just fight bad behavior, but they also encourage good behavior. He teaches kids that the key to stopping bullying is in the hands of the bystanders.

If just one bystander says "stop," said Craig, or "don't hit my friend," the bully will stop half of the time. But rarely will that happen, Thompson added, because most kids are either afraid, entertained by bullying, or don't think speaking up will help.

    如何帮助这些受害的同学？Thompson说，父母和教师都必须介入，"有时大人把校园恶霸想得太好，以为他们不过是孩子，而在事实上，这是创伤，必须保护受害的孩子。"

    在加拿大的研究中，教师对研究者说，他们一直在介入，阻止校园霸行，但带子上显示他们干预的时间不到5％。

    有些学校正在积极尝试减少霸行和社会伤害。

    正在执行一项反霸行计划的Jeff Parker说，好的计划不仅要与恶行做斗争，而且要鼓励好的行为。他教育孩子说，阻制霸行的关键是旁观者。

    Craig说，只要有一位旁观者喊出："住手"或"不准打我的朋友"，在半数情况下，可以震慑这个恶霸。Thompson补充说，但是，很少发生这种情况，大多数孩子要么自己也害怕，要么想巴结恶霸，要么认为见义勇为不管用。

　

At a school in the New York City borough of Staten Island, George Anthony tries to teach kids they have more choices than just accepting harassment. He runs a class for peer mediators, where he teaches students how to force the warring parties to hear each other's point of view.

Students say such anti-bullying programs have made a big difference.

"It's really helped me a lot," said one child who was the victim of bullies. "Everyone treats me nicer, and I'm not 'Elf Boy.'"

Other students agreed that the programs had reduced the cruelty. "There used to be fighting everywhere," said one girl. "Now I like school … I don't even want to on summer vacation."

Whether it's an adult or student who steps in, what's important, said Thompson, is that someone intervenes. ABCNEWS

    在纽约市Staten Island区的一所学校，George Anthony试图教育孩子应采取多种办法对付骚扰，而不是容忍。他开了一门课来培养同学之间的协调，教育同学们如何迫使霸行双方能彼此倾听各自的想法。

     同学们说，这种反霸行计划已产生很好效果。

    一位曾是霸行受害者的孩子说："这计划的确对我帮助很大，大家都对我好起来，我不再是一个'受气包'。"

   其它同学也认为，该计划减少了暴力，一位女生说："以前校园里打个不停，现在好了，我开始喜欢学校，甚至不想过暑假了。"

  Thompson说，不管是大人还是孩子插手，最重要的是有人过问。美国广播公司新闻 汤译